Looking For Christmas

For the first time ever, I woke up this morning, the Saturday before Christmas, without a single present purchased.

This is usually is one of my favorite times of year to the point where I actually choose to listen to the 24 hour Christmas music radio station for hours at a time while I plan to bake cookies, go look at lighting displays, and call up old friends just to say "Merry Christmas". I normally get a kick out of even the small things like having to look for my single roll of scotch tape that I might have used once since the same time the year before.

But this year it's different. I suffered a hard loss earlier this year and I've discovered that as Christmas nears I've somehow managed to keep busy enough and strong enough for the other people who need me to get through the last months without truly grieving. As each day passes in December, I find that I don't want to leave my dark, dank dungeon until Christmas Eve and then I only want to pop my head out to watch the yule log burning on the television and really cry it all out. (Of course in my delusional state, on December 26, I believe I'll wake up and feel more like my normal self.)

So today, when I realized that none of the shopping had been done, I looked at my husband (who has been positively a saint as my moping as been getting worse) and asked if he would please come out and do some Christmas shopping with me, even though he hates it because if I didn't have some support, I'd probably get nothing accomplished given my frame of mind.

I made a list of everyone we needed a gift for (about 20 adults and 2 children)

Turns out it was the shortest Christmas shopping trip ever and I mean ever!

The first store we went to, the parking lot was pretty full so I decided to park about a block away and we walked back. When we went in the first thing we saw was a giant Toys For Tots donation box that had one lonely toy in it. I asked one of the people working how often they had to empty the box and she told me "not often, it's a tough year for everyone".

Thinking about all the children whose families by circumstance have to rely on strangers to receive even a single present, I turned my husband and told him what I was thinking, he nodded as he smiled warmly at me and said, "and I think it's a great idea, every kid needs something to hold on too and as a bonus, it will get me out of this madhouse really, really fast!"

We spent all our time in the store looking for deals on stuffed animals (because we figured there was less of a chance they would be damaged or broken that boxed toys). We spent our present money on a large pile of good sized Mickey, Minnie, Pooh, Tigger and teddy bears that we then donated to Toys For Tots.

Sometimes you have to grab the Christmas spirit and hold on tight when it finds you.

Merry Christmas everyone.